Sex with Dara V. outside a movie theater in the kind daylight,
holding her in yab-yum,
leaving and returning and being with her,
having her narrow shoulders meet my chest,
her breasts looking…
somewhat cross-eyed.
She is smiling a lot more than usual.
Hairless hamster-like rodent nugget found in a closet, I share it with people and it’s a weird familiar. It has a jaw filled with hippopotamus teeth except for the incisors. Makes it look like an ape. The sharp ones are called “orins”.
I climb three freestanding brown columns by shuffling up them. It’s hard to balance but I grab different ones to stabilize. I don’t get quite to the top but a few people are watching me, one of whom is an Asian woman. I leap down from the column and flip her over and begin fisting her. This could have been a dream character I met elsewhere, Hiu.
Traveling a road through the mountains, perhaps the Sierras. There’s a lot of woody vegetation but it’s interspersed with signs of an approaching desert, saguaros and other cacti. Pausing on the side of the road, I pat a guy on the back who’s wearing a black t-shirt with cactus spines on it.
Racetrack made of ferns and stringy greenery, collection of dinosaurs chasing each other through it, evolving as they go.
See this picture of a girl who I had hung out with and may have slept with, someone showed it to me. She was hanging out of a Cessna airplane, in some abandoned public building like a pool. I was horrified to discover that the picture, taken that summer while I was with her, showed that she seemed 15.
I didn’t complete my homework for my Psychology of Stress or Neuroscience classes, and I failed them. I felt like I was just a bad person.
I was different and special because I could dissociate and perceive things from outside my perspective. Part of that was my nitrous practice.
Family seeded the bucket
And out it in my ear
I don’t have infinite problems
I just got here
Necromancy. A plate with a skull on it. Whispers that reveal a dead grandmother. A friend is transformed into a red horse, then stabbed a number of times, then healed using long thin slices of apple. A monochrome angel appears with a warning about meddling with life and death, asking if I — I might be Sookie Stackhouse — understand ‘no’. I am knocked out of an astral playpen into a previous stage of development, like being made a toddler again.
A long sandy beach. It’s an elementary school classroom and I’m there with a dog or some other companion animal. Making my way to the entrance, I’m warned of the danger of being out so far alone, perhaps by Ms. Plescia. I cross an area with crunchy sand that obviously has a lot of animals underneath.
Climbing through the rafters in the garage of my childhood home, above my black-and-white cat Aloysius. Explaining to my dad about the reasons people thought I was crazy, but that showed I wasn’t. Sigh.
Replay of experience in February 2014 from an impersonal perspective. Why they thought I was crazy, and how that thought contributed to the problem.
Shaving in the bathtub, but not wet. Miss a lot of spots, very uneven. Lynae texts me and tells me to be where she told me to be when we’d texted previously. I don’t understand for a moment and then Edgar comes to the door. He begins saying something about how we can’t put things in the garden. Before he can finish, a giant dog that I didn’t know was in the apartment bursts from behind me and to my left.
Driving to a Chicken John show, I have to back the truck into a wall along Cesar Chavez. I get out and walk along the outside of a Victorian funeral home that I’ve helped empty. I’m then inside, walking along a hallway. I am counting my distance and imagining the cremation rooms that I’m passing through beyond. A woman passes me from behind and to the left, she’s in her twenties, white, hair done up, and as she passes me and enters a different room she says something like “this place is [fascinating/amazing/built for us], isn’t it.”
Saying goodbye to my mom while she drives away in a minivan. Very sad to see her go. Watching the sunset from a ridge above the ocean, a place that was supposed to be San Francisco but didn’t have any city in it. A bookshelf the length of the city.
A train made up of different classes. I move to a cheaper one from a more expensive one to look for my mom. She’s there but as a kind of replay. I can’t interact with her.
Grocery store. Black store rep guy won’t take off his sunglasses. I go to another checkout line and a small velociraptor starts harassing me. I dodge elegantly. It has huge feathers.
Someone is asking for directions to an address that is just across the street. I try to direct them, but perhaps escorting them there would be easier and faster.