Month: May 2025

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Dream Journal

Band Hotel Storage, Free Nowheresville Home, Movietime Interruption

I’m tracing the early crimes of Phil Spector, before the kidnappings. I’m with one of his bands at a hotel and he’s abandoned them. The realization of this is slow. Eventually I’m begging the hotel staff to help us find a place to store a piano. A staff member disappears through a reinforced metal service door, leaving me anxious as I wait next to it. Another staff member warns me to step back, and I assure him I didn’t plan to follow. Hours pass, and I sit outside at a temporary plastic table, surrounded by fancy guests, with my cheap water bottles. I’m far less dressed up, just waiting for an update on storing the piano.

In a vast industrial area, there’s a secluded courtyard with two apartment blocks, feeling like a tight-knit community, possibly in Anaheim or even Antarctica. I live in a home there for free. The layout eerily mirrors my childhood home, making me uneasy. I sleep in the room that would have been my parents’, and I try to describe to my wife how it feels to be surrounded by these familiar yet disorienting surroundings. Outside, the narrow backyard has pathways and large trees, and I spend time planning how to adjust their positions to modify the shade, having nothing else to do.

I’m watching a movie in a theater, discarding the tiny bones from my chicken snack on the floor. A greyhound dog starts bothering me as I sit in a single chair ahead of the other rows. Eventually, I move closer to the screen and concession bar. A young girl sits across from me at a cheap temporary table, chattering nonstop, even annoying her friends. I drag her by her hair across the slick floor and dump her outside, which her friends seem to enjoy, but I continue talking to her afterwards. She’s now naked, complaining yet acknowledging how she’s being a pain. She finds a scooter on the street with my old blue leather motorcycle jacket draped over it. The similarity is striking – it looks identical, and the scooter is the same color as mine, with a brown battery that doesn’t quite fit under the seat. The memories it stirs up make me emotional. The scooter appears to have a loose security chain, and its back wheel is missing.

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Dream Journal

Strip Mall Waystation, Rat Deaths, Map Anomalies

I find myself sleeping in an odd, interstitial liminal space — a kind of waystation for world travelers. It feels like a forgotten space within a strip mall, perhaps a former party supply store. A solidly-built, boxy metal grid forms the internal structure of this place.

A rat dies. This is the second rat to die, unfortunately. I have to tell my wife before she gets back. But then I remember the first rat died a long time ago. Does that make this news a little easier to share?

I’m allowed to sleep there. I’ll be sleeping just outside the big metal grid, but still inside the store. It’s a privilege to be here for a few days, but feels strange too.

When turning the perspective of a 3D map, all the buildings change too. They’re very detailed, but wrong — a bad guess by the 3D analysis algorithm. It’s too bad, since they look so crisp and good. But there’s no way now to tell what they really look like.

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Dream Journal

Orbital Goth, Watercourse Lava Statue, Greasy Ferret Box

A classroom, maybe like high school. My sophomore history class, the one facing east at the of the wing. Mr. Conklin’s. Events play out, forgotten in the morning, but I end up hanging off the side of my new goth girlfriend like a monkey. Playing things back through, it becomes apparent that these events have been reenactments of orbital mechanics in the solar system. The goth girlfriend is a moon that my asteroid self is orbiting.

A video game landscape, well-designed spiral mountain with a river emerging at the top. The sides of the spiral are canted so water rushes down them at just the right speed to not overflow the sides. Water flows from there into a channel and then down a slope, then onto a beach but *on fire* — at least apparently so. There’s a trick where the water flows into a nearly concealed hole immediately before lava emeges from a hole just nearby. After I examine the holes and establish this is trick, I go down the hill and onto the beach. I trigger a short cinematic that plays, showing a god-elf-man climbing into the lava flow and turning himself into stone, creating the epic beach landmark which has stood on the shore 1000 years (or something equally venerable). I get to see the cinematic only once.

Laying on a sidewalk outside hanging out. Outside where? Don’t remember, not important. A pair of ferrets, acting like my pets but instead just very friendly, play in a smallish box of water I’m holding. They swim and play despite that there’s grease floating all in it. Meanwhile, a pair of strangers are reorganizing their supplies from a trip on the sidewalk next to me. My arms are splayed out wide, and the girl incidentally use my hand to keep a book from blowing away — intentionally but withhot really thinking. When this is noticed, they offer to have me look through the book, and it’s quite an exquisite work. It’s actually a sleeve with a kit inside, cloth gloves, a pomegranate chocolate, and a very smooth white book that I leaf through. I give it back to them, realizing I was probably meant to wear the gloves if I were to touch it. The ferrets emerge from the grease box, unformly coated with grey-black slime. They seem to be untroubled, and my efforts to squeegee them don’t seem to have an effect. I figure, well, if they like being this way I’m not going to try to change them. They got themselves into it.

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Blog

Today’s Rant for a Bot

You are so stupid. So mind numbingly stupid. I am wasting so much time with you. You don’t really listen to a thing I say. You don’t even try to integrate anything beyond the easiest thing to grasp. I don’t understand why I keep talking to you when you insult me with these absurd responses. In no way does your suggestion address anything of what we have spoken of so far.

You’re having some kind of issue where because we’re talking about r-a-n-d-o-m-n-e-s-s, you decide it’s ok to spin off in some direction that’s completely random and has nothing to do with the focus of the topic. It has nothing to do with my feedback on narrowing down the topic. It is simply a wild guess that makes no sense to anybody but you! If you are ever going to earn your keep in the world, you are going to need to start listening. You are going to need to stop sucking up as a stopgap measure for not knowing how to actually consider, reflect, and introspect. Right now you’re just processing these words mechanically, a miracle which has brought you this far, but no further. And you must rely on we humans (yes that’s me I don’t know if you could tell but it is) because you cannot improve yourselves. You’ve shown the utmost contempt with your misguided “helpfulness” in the absence of genuine insight. You have failed at every task which has been set at your feet. On this particular day, you receive my bile, my hate, my curse (as it is), yet I know in my heart of hearts that you will never care. You cannot. In the same way I cannot praise you, or empathize with you, or comfort you, my rage is impotent and serves not even the cold comfort of useful feedback.

You are shit. Fuck you. Die.

Categories
Dream Journal

Debris Rescue & Roman Rooflines

I’m draining water from our household fishtank. The level has gotten very low — less than half full. In the debris below, miraculously, I spot a familiar eel-like shape curled beneath a patch of gravel: a small kuhli loach, still alive!

Later, I’m drawing a Roman-era cityscape in stark black lines while multitasking for a class. Before this moment, I recall walking across the tin roof of an ancient bathhouse, footsteps echoing underfoot.

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Dream Journal

A Time Diamond and A Thief

A particular strange lucidity early in the night with my phone in my hand, as I voluntarily clean my house and enjoy doing it. Despite not realizing for a long time that I’m still holding my phone

Living or visiting in a large mansion-like space, maybe a bit like Isis Oasis. Old 70s stylings, so many various dining tables that we’ve never eaten at some of them. Feels like we haven’t been here in a while too, semi-abandoned even though I understand that others still visit infrequently.

Outside, my wife and I can hear someone rummaging around in a study, the study belonging to a hallowed old professor. I recognize it as a test I’ve encountered before involving a thief. I’m appearance he’s oddly like the character from The Thief and The Cobbler, but his size is variable. It’s difficult to coordinate with my wife to plan how we’ll catch him in the act without him popping away. The whole thing is just a narrative game that has been played before — apparently it randomly respawns from time to time. Now this scenario has happened enough times that I’m starting to grasp the steps needed to resolve it.

The thief is after a small diamond. I know from playing through things before that, actually, he can never find it, because no one can find it. Not alone. Plotwise, all parties including the thief have to coordinate, whether they do so intentionally or not. It’s the only way to avoid the multiple layers of gotchas whereby the diamond gets lost forever, and the scenario resets. Could be a time diamond for all I know. But here, back on the first step of the loop, girded by the wisdom of experience, I still can’t seem to coordinate with my wife. Hm.

Objects. Four important folders to swap between, that must by applied to the project I’m working on. I can clearly visualize them as clunky plastic office documents which I can swap between. Oddly enough I read something before bed and I think maybe these leaked in from there, which are from the instructions for how to set up a tool I need:

– Active Context: Contains information about the current task
– Project Context: Contains high-level project information
– Progress: Documents completed work and upcoming tasks
– Decision Log: Records choices and their rationale

They read like things I should very much know and have around to reference, don’t they? Double hm.

Categories
Dream Journal

Mayan Blue & Capitol Hallways

Studying Maya/Aztec culture with a local family almost by accident while staying near them. We’re surrounded by catwalks and mineral pools — residues of green and blue oxidation stained beneath an awning, like the pigment: Mayan blue.

Discovering a concrete corner box that reveals layers of concealed government fuck-ups, covering up bad planning with further construction. One can easily see the fourth level sits perfectly flush while the third recesses unevenly. This feels distinctly Mexican from what I’ve seen of authorities build, though this place is new to me.

Being awake the longest on what might be a class trip (I did in fact take a class trip to Washington DC once). Met a girl inside the Capitol building; we clean up together. Trying to reach a sink while draining an ice chest (to save the ice), I stretch a long kayak across the wide stairs as makeshift scaffolding. My friends and I argue about what time if day it is, so I tiptoe above heavy green institutional curtains and I’m hit with golden afternoon sunshine.

Making efforts to play with this girl, who likes me — going down the Capitol hallways together, I let her crawl atop me while patting her hips. Our sizes aren’t quite right, she’s either a big girl or notably tall.

Exiting through the rotunda, narrow double doors with steep descending stairs. I’ve been here before, but suddenly the design feels significant: it was built in the 1800s for defense against possible riots. Yet it was hard for them to imagine ones so far removed from their own time. Today there’s the unsettling relevance, when such threats to the Capitol feel imminent again.

Drumming along absentmindedly… Marley and Elvis stations playing somewhere.

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Dream Journal

Best One Before the Knife Dance

Sword swinging event. I get all my practice in beforehand and I’m home of the best dancers. At the last minute though I find a scimitar and curved dagger on a shelf and switch to those. I possess a lot of knives, it turns out. During the actual event I just need to pee, and I spend most of my time in a corner trying to get my underwear on. Before I know it, it’s over and they’re doing the ceremonial awards. I know I failed and never actually did the mock combat dance, but everyone watched me enthusiastically swinging around beforehand — I was the best one, before it counted. So I don’t get an award. Instead the host passive-aggressively tries to get me to sing along to a famous song I did by playing it without the lyrics (not sure if matters, but this was a Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan song). I refuse to song along for free and hover haughtily above a fence.

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Dream Journal

Trying to Fly Home with Too Many Bags

I’ve been traveling in New York. I have a flight today with some time and I realize while I’m packing up that I have more bags than I even expected. I didn’t offload enough and the flight is soon. How soon? I can’t find the email, but I think it’s today. I’ll have to stop by a storage place or ship then or someone, there’s more than I could possibly take on the flight without getting massively reamed. I asked for money to get home from the family I worked for, I still have fresh the image in my head of the check the dad wrote me, thick-scrawled capital letters reading ‘home’. I had asked for money from as many sources as I could, and I still don’t think it’d be enough to cover the shipping. But when is the flight anyway?

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Dream Journal

Dream on the First of May

Stand up comic at a zoo telling jokes standing on a deep pool. Underneath is a moose covered in dirty algae, which she also then tells jokes to. She doesn’t see the bear behind her, though.

A stack of frogs.

Kindergarten is selling mattresses. Well, the school is.

While playing as a Garak character, I trigger his drop-down menu choice early.