I’ve been traveling in New York. I have a flight today with some time and I realize while I’m packing up that I have more bags than I even expected. I didn’t offload enough and the flight is soon. How soon? I can’t find the email, but I think it’s today. I’ll have to stop by a storage place or ship then or someone, there’s more than I could possibly take on the flight without getting massively reamed. I asked for money to get home from the family I worked for, I still have fresh the image in my head of the check the dad wrote me, thick-scrawled capital letters reading ‘home’. I had asked for money from as many sources as I could, and I still don’t think it’d be enough to cover the shipping. But when is the flight anyway?
Tag: stress
See this picture of a girl who I had hung out with and may have slept with, someone showed it to me. She was hanging out of a Cessna airplane, in some abandoned public building like a pool. I was horrified to discover that the picture, taken that summer while I was with her, showed that she seemed 15.
I didn’t complete my homework for my Psychology of Stress or Neuroscience classes, and I failed them. I felt like I was just a bad person.
I was different and special because I could dissociate and perceive things from outside my perspective. Part of that was my nitrous practice.
Categories
Wallcrashing
I am the worst blogger from bed ever.
“This week is like… can… it’s weird you’re not looking at me… I work now.”
Sometimes people work too hard. It’s not just an overachiever thing. It’s an “I need to be financially independant and I’m sorta working two jobs and planning on starting my own business too” kinda thing. Or maybe a little “I do everything I can for everyone I see all day long and never complain and by the end I’m just so through that I crash.” I take it back It might be an overacheiver thing. It’s easy to get carried away once you realize what you want and realize that it’s only the amount of effort you’re willing to put in that determines how successful you are. And then you hit a wall and realize your human.
Yesterday, yesterday was a hard day. I fell asleep before 12, on the bed, with my clothes on, while my woman sat right beside me trying to work. She couldn’t wake me up. Or, rather, she could wake me up but I was still dreaming and couldn’t muster the force of mind to move. So she slept on the couch. As my lady crept into bed at 6:30 this morning I woke up confused (not to mention a little sorry).
We’re not hitting a wall. We’re just grinding our gears. We’re ruffling our feathers. We’re harshing our buzz. I’m not worried; I’m frazzled, and so is she. Hella frazzled (yes, we live in Northern California; no, we don’t live in NorCal). We deseperately need a vacation from the busy lives we’ve chosen… and we’re getting one! Soon! Ironically enough that’s causing us to spin our wheels. I got off time from work, and then I was told I couldn’t. My lady was told she could park somewhere and then somehow she couldn’t, and her truck was towed . So she’s out $280. We come home tired then go out and do cool stuff and come back exhausted. And we’re planning a party, and soon, and before the vacation. It would be quite reasonable for a suburban, homebody, happy-to-eat-at-Chili’s sort of folk to call us insane.
I don’t want to be insane. I’d like to have awesome, intense, busy, produtive, happy sanity. Work in progress.