Is it a good idea to post a bunch of rambling old freewritings that I wrote last year? Or even further back?
Why do I keep remembering “l’enfer, c’est les autres” (Sartre: Hell is other people)?
Lately, had thoughts about the respect for attention — what it means to intentionally call attention to something negative, perhaps something painful but unchangeable, some old scar or another. Lord, how I find my experience of Facebook to be increasingly terrible and confusing. Why do I keep coming back, then? It fills small gaps of time where I’d not otherwise be doing something productive with my life — caring about the lives of others and keeping up with them is the selling point, sure. But lordy, how little I can help, the problems I see there, the focus and training I’ve had to resolve those conflicted feelings, yet I know they come back. Longing for greater affection, but necessity of only stepping in where it seems wise. Perhaps my social network is too wide for my life now. Perhaps being physically separated for too long unmoors me from what I liked about them in the first place. Maybe they changed, or were never like that to begin with. Maybe Facebook weirds human relationships.
The problem, too, is that I think posting old stuff with unclear expectations is a problem. This project is an ongoing one, and the point is it’ll never be “complete”. But it’s also worthwhile to think about you, dear reader — hi future Orin! As you’re probably aware, the writer always reads their words most. And I hope reading these brings you a certain delight, and commiseration, a recognition, although I’m honestly not sure why… except perhaps you remember/imagine being chilly, sitting on the Munchery parking lot stairs, wanting to organize your thoughts, to see them click together with the click of the keys, wondering if you successfully shoehorned enough evocative descriptions of your setting to ground in that “real world” we’re always hearing about.
Is it a good idea to post a rambling new freewriting that I wrote… just now?
(Sure! Fuck it, dude. The privacy setting that matters most is “hope you should know”.)
