Month: January 2006

Categories
Glot-glot

Lan Dow Nunder

Attention visitor! There is no new glot for you here. The Glotmaster has travelled very far to glot from an entirely different continent, and you can sample his incredible excursion to the wonderful land of Oz right here:

The OzGlot

Until such and such a time when he decides he’s no longer there, you should all be able to get your daily smacking of glot right there. And hey! New feature—you can now contact this dude. There’s a form right there on that site. He loves mail.

What’s that you say—it’s too obvious I’m just writing this in the third person? I’m just trying to distance myself is all. Ha! And with that sublime pun (sublimely dumb) you’lll have to tide yourselves over for the next several months. Till then—ozzie ozzie ozzie(glot)!

Categories
Glot

Hellacious Night

Certain times in your life your life makes you wanna take lives. That’s the nicest way I can put my feelings about today.

You know the kinda day I’m talking about. Mamma told you about them. Swear to God, somebody pushed the asshole button. When that button gets pushed — it’s usually hidden somewhere near the furnace by the old mason jars — look the f*uck out. The effect is not selective. We’re all assholes. Yes, you. You are an asshole, sir or madam. That asshole in the other room. Assholes on the phone. I didn’t have one spare second from you people today. Me. I am an asshole.

Let me ask you something: you ever turn into another lane without signaling? Of course you have, ya’ damned liar. We all do. Just cut it out for tomorrow, ok?

Categories
Glot

Pre-Death Checklist

I’d like to announce I’m not planning on dying soon! Huzzah! I arrived at that conclusion by way of this list I made today, of the things I wanna do before I die:

  • travel to Australia
  • skydive
  • have an out-of-body experience (preferably not skydiving)
  • watch a live birth
  • pass along my genetic material to next generation (see above)
  • have my own hellacool apartment
  • wear a speedo in public
  • get a haircut from a friend
  • shave my head
  • be on television
  • have my own radio show
  • invent something useful to the human race
  • write a novel
  • compile my memoirs (different than above)

Yeah, I admit it’s not a lot. But these are the kind of ideas that come to you over a period of time. Like, a lifetime. Keep an eye on the updated, permanent verison.

Categories
Glot

Cheating

I’m wearing different same-color socks today. The only way you could tell is that one is about four inches lower than the other. They’re both black socks (I’m not crazy), but they’re utterly mismatched in size. I feel like the fashion police should bust in with nightsticks and attractive winter scarves at any moment. Dammit man, I was out of black socks! Please spare me your harsh tsktsking judgement!

Now that I’ve caught your attention with a hook…

I figured out what I’m gonna do to make this place better. You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna cheat. I will, from today on, progressively insert posts that I didn’t post when I say I posted ’em, fill in all the gaps, and put in the things I wanted to write when I wanted to write them. Know that that means? Now you’ll never know. A-ha-ha, HA, ha-ha-ha.

Why now, I hear you say? Why would I fill in all this material for no other reason than my personal edification from already lost time, you ask? Well… you just answered your own question.

Categories
Glot-glot

10 Topics for Past Entries

  1. David DeAngelo is a very “cool” man
  2. My Job
  3. Crichton’s State of Fear (why people want you to be afraid to read it)
  4. The Archive — (here, keep this on your hard drive now)
  5. My Flowers and Trees Movie
  6. Up North, or the way we were
  7. CSUMB Sucks and I can prove it.
  8. Re-do Hello World
  9. “I am the coolest person I know.”
  10. Ten Topics for Future Entries