things I can and cannot do without pants

  • I can open the desk at the hostel without pants, no problem.
  • Other people (other people who aren’t me) can’t even come downstairs without pants.
  • However, I still cannot cook salmon burgers naked and/or pants-free (waffers are still ok).
  • I can be in a mariachi band (in my imagination) with no pants, because that’s actually a funnier image than just being in a mariachi band.
  • I cannot be sworn in as the President of the United States without wearing pants. It sends the wrong message to the nation.
  • I can take a nice bath with absolutely no pants — it is, in fact, recommended.
  • Pants are encouraged for all trips to relatives house’s. Gramma has staunch morals.
  • I cannot take a driver’s test without pants, but I can help someone get to a driver’s test with no pants.
  • I could make mixed drinks with no pants if I were required.
  • In fact, I can delegate tasks effectively while managing multiple priorities, solve problems proactively in a dynamic environment, work well against deadlines, all without pants.
  • It is still not recommended to go to a job interview without pants.
  • Similarly, inspecting apartments without pants can be problematic. Think of the children.
  • I do a pretty good “Fuzzbottom McTickleface duke of Catchester” impression, if I am free of any pants I may or may not have worn.
  • I wear pants if it’s cold out. It has not been cold out.
  • For the record, it is perfectly fine to blog pantsless.


Things that are good:

  1. friends
  2. letters
  3. books
  4. food
  5. sex
  6. creativity
  7. maturity
  8. understanding

Things that are not as good (“are bad”):

  1. weather
  2. bills
  3. money
  4. Breakin’” (1984)
  5. time management
  6. memory

Eight to six. Not bad.


Reasons Not to Kiss Me

  • I have a thick beard, and it’s getting thicker by the day.
  • I’ve got a sore spot on the bottom left where I bit my lip, and it hasn’t healed yet because I keep sneezing too hard.
  • My teeth are crooked.
  • I only brush once a day.
  • I’ve lost the Burt’s Beez stuff and am back onto the Nivea Lip Care addiction.
  • You might accidentally suck my lips off (you don’t know! it could happen!)
  • People tell me I smell, just in general.

10 Things I would buy if The Hostel paid me

It’s possible I might get paid to redesign the San Francisco hostel’s website. Money would be good. With that in mind:

  1. food
  2. a circle tattoo
  3. Keith and the Girl Live! California+Boston
  4. cool new thrift store clothes
  5. a monthy bus pass
  6. new socks
  7. new shoes to go with them
  8. a ticket to Palm Springs to visit Homepie
  9. [something I choose not to reveal on a public forum]
  10. true happiness (and more food)

Pre-Death Checklist

I’d like to announce I’m not planning on dying soon! Huzzah! I arrived at that conclusion by way of this list I made today, of the things I wanna do before I die:

  • travel to Australia
  • skydive
  • have an out-of-body experience (preferably not skydiving)
  • watch a live birth
  • pass along my genetic material to next generation (see above)
  • have my own hellacool apartment
  • wear a speedo in public
  • get a haircut from a friend
  • shave my head
  • be on television
  • have my own radio show
  • invent something useful to the human race
  • write a novel
  • compile my memoirs (different than above)

Yeah, I admit it’s not a lot. But these are the kind of ideas that come to you over a period of time. Like, a lifetime. Keep an eye on the updated, permanent verison.


10 Topics for Past Entries

  1. David DeAngelo is a very “cool” man
  2. My Job
  3. Crichton’s State of Fear (why people want you to be afraid to read it)
  4. The Archive — (here, keep this on your hard drive now)
  5. My Flowers and Trees Movie
  6. Up North, or the way we were
  7. CSUMB Sucks and I can prove it.
  8. Re-do Hello World
  9. “I am the coolest person I know.”
  10. Ten Topics for Future Entries

New Taglines

I recently added a few more taglines to supplement the all-purpose, totally true, “blogs Я dum. read GLΘT.”

  1. Way too much time, I know.
  2. Yeah. I’m a sucker for free stuff too.
  3. Everybody’s got a damn blog, don’t they?
  4. Actually, I don’t have anything better to do.
  5. Self-centered American naval-gazing at it’s best.
  6. Boy, do I miss books sometimes.
  7. XHTML-compliance is a vice.

These turned out a little pessimistic, I admit. Especially since I like blogging more and more lately. I just… I wish there was another word. “Blog” used to mean the mixture of different alcoholic drinks you stole by the capful from your parents liqour cabinet. No, really—I read that in a book.


10 Topics for Future Entries

  1. Exhibition of Fort Ord Pictures
  2. Application to be my g/f — with CGI integration
  3. 10 reasons why America’s not so great no more
  4. Why you should destroy your computer
  5. Pictures of people’s hands
  6. Complete listing of music on my computer
  7. Reviews of people on MySpace
  8. Points of Cool (treatise—?)
  9. My Flowers and Trees movie
  10. 10 Topics for Past Entries

Five Things I’d like to do More Often

  1. Yoga
  2. Sleep
  3. Write letters to friends
  4. Link to cool sites
  5. Make silly little lists