I’m in the backyard of a house owned by Dossie with a group of friends. There are lovely winding brick pathways between flowerbeds and the yard is open to the neighbors, no fences. The neighborhood is wealthy and her next-door neighbor is amicable, letting cars park in front of some of his many garage doors. He has a cottage house built into the base of a sequoia-like tree, cozy and rustic. But the main house is an L-shaped A-frame ranch home, very wide. In the attic I imagine a collection of taxidermied polar bears, rusting Model T’s, massive ship propellers, and the like.
Later in the day I’m free-writing…
The problem of other people, of severe attention. Conflict within self, of not being able to un-perceive deficiencies. People aren’t like other things, they’re something almost equal to this mysterious “self” but not quite. At Pranayama practice this morning I found myself consistently aware of my own skepticism. An unpleasant feeling, but perhaps only because it belied my own lack of one-pointed awareness. That is, awareness of the deficiencies of others was only difficult because I therefore knew that I wasn’t “on”, that I was less than aware.
The most odd part, I’d say, was the moment the teacher mentioned the point of the exercise as to become aware of ourself as the entire universe. Hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth disturbed my previous perspective on those type of statements. It reminds me of an idea for a book I had yesterday: “How to Realize Your Spiritual Self and Still Get Respect as a Rational Being”.