My wife and I are holed up in something like hotel, or a guest house, waiting excitedly for an planned experience. Our bed is in a room with only three walls, one side open to a shared courtyard or parking lot. On a ledge high in this courtyard a TV is mounted. It shows a roster of custom TV spots, made as lore and instructions for our event, which I eagerly try to absorb. We stay in the guest house overnight, during which time a food truck shows up — then another food truck, which upsets the staff of the first.
The next day we pass through a gift shop before boarding special transit to the actual big cool thing. The glass counter is laid with bright custom-made floral miniatures. I ask if they have natural fennel growing in field (I heard about these specific miniatures somewhere long ago). They show me a mini vase holding cut fennel stems, which somehow sloshes raw water over the edge and also has grainy gel creeping up the stalks. A short rocket ride takes us to what is called Carlas’s Place, supposedly hidden in the center of pointy mountain. This is an attraction and experience somewhat like Meow Wolf, yet also an exclusive gathering space and elite artist venue. Here there are plans plotted; showpieces shown; careers made.
I arrive and I head straight forward down a long massive ramp of scree into a yawning neon underground. I can only make out a little of it as the image of it seem scrawled, broken. Instead my wife pulls me aside and tells me I’m supposed to use the map on the back of the computer mouse visitors are each given. I can then exchange it at the location for a travelling vehicle. Although I somehow missed this tip in all my preparation, I take it as my first task.
The imprinted map shows the district. It is large, while the map small. The place swarms with people and activity, and I figure it must actually be somewhere like a neighborhood (with a normal entrance I just never knew about).
I try to find the indicated dot on my computer mouse map, and come into a giant video arcade with rows and rows of vintage machines. The place is crammed with people actually playing them, all lights and noise and crazy carpet like a casino. There are even big overhead displays which cycle though game screens, showing action happening somewhere on the vast arcade floor.
I leave the arcade far from where I entered. The arched and collonaded high-atrium mall is elegant, rectilinear, easily navigable. So it seems. I pass through the a central plaza (I don’t even look to the side, though the windows — why?) and into a cozier passage of stores and jauntily angled hallways. Some stores are recently set up for Christmas here. Dining outside on a barstool of a cafe, I pass a man I strongly recognize. He notices me noticing him and quickly names a news program, tucking his chin down in acknowledgement; as a new anchor he must get this a lot. So, I take it to this place is a place celebrities sometimes hang out.
I am left wandering the streets, which feel like a city all their own. It is like nowhere quite familiar, exactly. Alaska? Denver? 1940s movie set? There are steep mountains in the near distance. I happen to walk by a building-sized prop, a vast art deco hotel with a detailed façade. Closely inspecting the green tiles of the sweeping rounded corner, I find statues of exquisite alien dancers, their appearance like skinny insectoid bears. The style itself is Pacific Northwest native blended with Balinese temple deities, exaggerated poses and dramatically cut forms. I take pictures of this work from many angles. It is clear, at least, that this place has had a lot of effort put into it.
Suddenly my timer runs out. Was I told this was a timed experience? I’m teleportationally kicked back to normaltown, a 20-part survey immediately plonked in front of me. The first inquiry: I am asked to rate the vehicles I found. I start selecting every vehicle, laying heavy red shapes over them, indulging my impulse to rate them all zero. I’m disgusted and furious, not having even gotten past step one. I realize partway that my “feedback” has no chance to be recognized. For real feedback I have to yell at someone directly. If this has become so developed, if the experience cost so much money, yet they don’t even care if people are actually able to *do anything* of what they are meant to do? If the little survey doesn’t even know what you did? If they think they should even ask? Then, I will find someone to yell at.
I wake up mentally listing the things I will say. The many things.
