Categories
Glot

And this to show for it

My methods might be a little unorthodox.

I approach web design like an architect. I make careful evaluations, gather useful information about the site, sketch and refine many approaches… Then, like an architect deranged, I disregard that which I’ve hoarded and just go at the thing blunt force with a chisel and a beefy sledgehammer. I’m self-educated in this technique, in case you wondered.

Been working now for two days. I binge on the internet. I stay up till the really early hours, till way after others actually woken up and begun their day. But the layout is coming along quite nicely I reckon. You just have to account for those tiny (gigantic?) impasses where browser quirks leave you befuddled and pounding a sledgehammer into some innocent bystanding keyboard.

Categories
Glot-glot

List of Improvements

So far I’ve refrained from calling it Glot 2.0. I’m not sure if that’s because 1.0 never officially came out, or if it’s my nagging fear of bandwagons. It’s just so trendy this season, isn’t it? Got nothing better to call it, though. And it is the second version. What the hell: GLOT 2.0.

General

most recent WordPress build
nice admin css (Aenonfire design & Camera On Road)
animated favicon
css color variations a la aNieto2k, Impact Switcher
random css.php file for users w/ javascript turned off
categorical css layouts

Posts

unvisited links underlined, visited crossed out (e.g. visited)
link :hover interestingness a la SevenNine
post number determines color
tags listed at end of post
SIFR rich typography replacement

very visible Comment Here link
sub-titled per-post taglines
front-page category segregation
smaller text for long posts, larger for short ones
printer-friendly version (downloadable pdf version?)

Sidebar

button fiend
IM status indicator
BDP Referral stats
latest Flickr photo Polaroid-framed
better-than-live search
hybrid posts/tags search
integrate links to pages (FAQ, before I die list=43 things)

New Pages

digidentity, or, more than you’d ever like to know about my life online:

SimplePie makes possible:
del.icio.us links rss
Consumating RSS
Last.fm RSS
MySpace RSS
WordPress support forums

about page w/sub pages:

about glot: “what is a glot/origin of glot” page
about me: author info, contact form, real name
about faq: or, QITUYMA

all organized by brain phrenology regions

FAlbum integration
custom search pages
404 error page (100%x100% background image)
tag cloud + tag info
sitemap

Comments

front-page comments (Inline Ajax Comments, Expand Comments)
custom comment text (5 of you reckon…)
comments quicktags
comments preview
canary comment (possible…)
human validation: pick three cute things method
trackback/pingback segregation/variation
gravatar inclusion (Comvatar)
gravatar signup
fake more comments on old entries
# of comments (comments meter=ProgressFly)
comments imaginary point system (points for browser, pictures, # words)
rewards for points (signed shoes, minidiscs, clothing, art crap…)

Categories
Glot

Please Welcome Sweden and the Philippines

At first it seems these two illustrious countries have nothing to do with one another.

Sweden, land of fjords, vikings, linganberry wine, and (if my travels overseas are any indication) a whole lotta amazingly-accented Indian girls. And the The Philippines! What can I say? You’ve got volcanoes that can evacuate entire regions of space, I hear sometimes you fish with dynamite, and you probably still have that beer brand with a monkey. What could these two possibly have in common? If you said, “nothing”… Ha! Well, that is true, except for maybe one thing: in the past week, stray webfarers in both those countries happen to have visited this friggin’ site. This thing actually gets read in other countries. I am an ambassador to the world, whether you believe it or not, world.

Visitor map from Google Analytics - Sweden AND the PhillipinesNot since the Rocky Horror Discovery Scare of ’04 have I even been conscious that there might be people poring over The Glot, people I hadn’t personally met. Looking for information. Googling “checklist+post+death+planning” in all seriousness, only to find my smarmy, self-bemused, wholly overrated misrepresented site pinging their naive Googledar. What if that Swede’s only brother just died, in a sled crash involving drunk reindeer perhaps, leaving that poor Swede to make all the funeral arrangements? He doesn’t know the steps! He needs me to tell him. And what do I wanna do? Get into a bar fight over beer nuts. Wonder of wonder, horror of Rocky Horrors!

Every goal has a dark side. I would like to make my blog glot a place where more people would like to visit. Even have another entity appreciate my silly writing. One outside the immediate single genetic degree of family. A human entity too, since those lurky MSNbots obviously get a hearty kick outta my material already. Comment, damned robots! But every once in a while, you’re gonna have to disappoint some grieving Swede. That’s life. Seriously though—who wants to plan post-death? Not a lot of forethought in that search, boy-o.

Sweden and Philippines, I give you my hat tip. You may not have found my site useful. You may not have stayed longer than a minute. You may have even web-snorted in contempt at this tiny, indulgent, gaudy, blog-like, and oversyllablistic web-shite that Google mis-pinged to you… maybe. I thank you for your votes of confidence nonetheless.

Categories
Glot-glot

Lan Dow Nunder

Attention visitor! There is no new glot for you here. The Glotmaster has travelled very far to glot from an entirely different continent, and you can sample his incredible excursion to the wonderful land of Oz right here:

The OzGlot

Until such and such a time when he decides he’s no longer there, you should all be able to get your daily smacking of glot right there. And hey! New feature—you can now contact this dude. There’s a form right there on that site. He loves mail.

What’s that you say—it’s too obvious I’m just writing this in the third person? I’m just trying to distance myself is all. Ha! And with that sublime pun (sublimely dumb) you’lll have to tide yourselves over for the next several months. Till then—ozzie ozzie ozzie(glot)!

Categories
Glot

Hellacious Night

Certain times in your life your life makes you wanna take lives. That’s the nicest way I can put my feelings about today.

You know the kinda day I’m talking about. Mamma told you about them. Swear to God, somebody pushed the asshole button. When that button gets pushed — it’s usually hidden somewhere near the furnace by the old mason jars — look the f*uck out. The effect is not selective. We’re all assholes. Yes, you. You are an asshole, sir or madam. That asshole in the other room. Assholes on the phone. I didn’t have one spare second from you people today. Me. I am an asshole.

Let me ask you something: you ever turn into another lane without signaling? Of course you have, ya’ damned liar. We all do. Just cut it out for tomorrow, ok?

Categories
Glot

Pre-Death Checklist

I’d like to announce I’m not planning on dying soon! Huzzah! I arrived at that conclusion by way of this list I made today, of the things I wanna do before I die:

  • travel to Australia
  • skydive
  • have an out-of-body experience (preferably not skydiving)
  • watch a live birth
  • pass along my genetic material to next generation (see above)
  • have my own hellacool apartment
  • wear a speedo in public
  • get a haircut from a friend
  • shave my head
  • be on television
  • have my own radio show
  • invent something useful to the human race
  • write a novel
  • compile my memoirs (different than above)

Yeah, I admit it’s not a lot. But these are the kind of ideas that come to you over a period of time. Like, a lifetime. Keep an eye on the updated, permanent verison.

Categories
Glot

Cheating

I’m wearing different same-color socks today. The only way you could tell is that one is about four inches lower than the other. They’re both black socks (I’m not crazy), but they’re utterly mismatched in size. I feel like the fashion police should bust in with nightsticks and attractive winter scarves at any moment. Dammit man, I was out of black socks! Please spare me your harsh tsktsking judgement!

Now that I’ve caught your attention with a hook…

I figured out what I’m gonna do to make this place better. You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna cheat. I will, from today on, progressively insert posts that I didn’t post when I say I posted ’em, fill in all the gaps, and put in the things I wanted to write when I wanted to write them. Know that that means? Now you’ll never know. A-ha-ha, HA, ha-ha-ha.

Why now, I hear you say? Why would I fill in all this material for no other reason than my personal edification from already lost time, you ask? Well… you just answered your own question.

Categories
Glot-glot

10 Topics for Past Entries

  1. David DeAngelo is a very “cool” man
  2. My Job
  3. Crichton’s State of Fear (why people want you to be afraid to read it)
  4. The Archive — (here, keep this on your hard drive now)
  5. My Flowers and Trees Movie
  6. Up North, or the way we were
  7. CSUMB Sucks and I can prove it.
  8. Re-do Hello World
  9. “I am the coolest person I know.”
  10. Ten Topics for Future Entries
Categories
Glot

Games Fun, Fun Good

I like mind games. I bet you didn’t know that mind games are good for you. Don’t believe me? Allow me to explain.

Many are the reasons that these things, these things of which I speak, make our lives better. Have you been bored lately? I haven’t… I can’t. I just will not allow myself. I must play. I play with those around me — confusing them, prodding them, keeping ’em guessing. I play with stuff I find. I play with myself. That’s right, I said it. How can one resist a flavored toothpick, a sublimely obscure joke, a button that goes ‘click’, or — dare I say — one’s own elbow skin? How?! This (as many of you will know) is called “fun”. Not only are they entertaining, but these little games keep me occupied when the otherwise tedious stimulus-response cycle threatens to de-vamp my vim. I gots to have me my vim, you know. Gotsta.

It’s from this perspective I volunteer a seemingly obvious adage: fun is good for you. Not taking things too seriously keeps you stable, it gives you a release when you need it and makes life interesting when you don’t. Drink up, ye seekers of sanity, the cup of vim.

Unfortunately it seems not too many people realize this. Or, worse yet are those who have no energy… at all. “Ebullient vitality and energy” can be difficult without that. I’ll be the first to confess I’m a) young b) healthy c) naturally, let’s say, a “curious” individual. So I’ve got an advantage. What’s to stop you, though, from pretending that instead of “working” at your “job” you’re just maintaining deep cover? And the twist is — you must discover who it is you’re supposed to spy on (!!!). Keep tabs on people’s calls. Make up secret codes between your co-workers. Nothing, nothing, could possibly make refilling the water cooler any more intense.

I know some of you will find this outlook childish, immature, perhaps even regressive. To them I say: uhhhh huuuuh… Do you even remember how awesome it was playing games in grade school? No. Of course not. Because you are an old fart that has grown stale instead of savory with age. Come on — grade school is the only time when Marbles vs. Dinosaurs is a perfectly sensible bout. Maybe I’m like this because back in the day I didn’t get enough quality playtime. I was that kid that was with a different group each day on the playground. Nobody could stand me for too long. I remember once, for about a week in fourth grade, I incessently chanted “craaack, CRACK, crack … crack-crack … creeeaaaaaak (et cetera)” just for the hell of it. Plea for attention? Nascent ennui? Yeah, I’m gonna go with nascent ennui just cause most people won’t understand that.

What was my point? Oh yes. There is only one thing in the entire world that we can have complete control of: our own minds. You’re assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to make your own life interesting. While you’re at it try making it livable too. Then call me. We need to work out the details and write a frickin’ book.

Categories
Glot

Robot Monkey Ninja Pirate

There are worse things to be addicted to than the internet. But then again, maybe nitrous isn’t so bad.

You ever think about who you are on the internet? I do. I basically paid about $100 out of pocket for… this. All of this. This webspace, this domain. And more than that, I’ve spent hours which are — in a word, uncountable — actually putting the damned thing together. All so that you can read this and enjoy the little colored squares change. Yes I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet. I’m nice to the internet; it’s nice to me.

I’ve been thinkin’ lately, in my very American way, about all the stuff I’ve got. Specifically, the stuff I’ve got online. Stuff like:

Flickr
Consumating
Del.icio.us
Last.fm
MySpace
WordPress

And beleive it or not, now people have coined a new highfalutin term for all this: digital identity. To be distinguished, mind you, from one’s real identity. That is to say exactly what should be obvious: the virtual world still isn’t real.

Think about that for a moment. Many of us spend a lot of our lives—let’s say in my case roughly half—in front of a computer. And how many dreams have you had where you were on the internet? Or even at a computer? Not any at all, for 99.998% of you (one can never be absolutely sure…). So why bother if it can’t be integrated into a wholistic, experience-seeking, fully-lived life? Look at that list up there. Now go make your own. Shouldn’t our time on this earth be spent improving our lives, instead of (very arguably) improving the internet?

Hm.

Well, think I’ll read a book now. Like that’s any better.